Gripe #4: The "fans"

One of my goals for this blog was to avoid griping about our fellow patrons of the game. For the most part the exercise was highly therapeutic. Knowing that I would be writing about the games themselves helped me ignore all but the most egregious of distractions in the stands.

Still, few horrors equal the cold chills that start crawling the moment someone’s pungent odor assails us before they even take their seats right in front of us. Foul stenches are completely inescapable, damaging the experience right down to ruining the flavor of our food and drinks. Fortunately the only completely overwhelming Stinkos were the odd couple in front of us for the August 1 game (in heat that didn’t exactly help matters). Honorable mention goes to Perfuma Hairybutt on Sept. 14.

Moron-wise, for the most part we lucked out this year. We got the dream seats for one game, which for the most part was wonderful fun. But the folks sitting immediately behind us were a pack of grade A dunderheads. Seriously, folks. Nobody cares about the cruise you went on last spring or what you like to order from IHOP. I could also have done without the Laughing Hyenas on August 28, though their braying wouldn’t have stood out if only they’d found it in their hearts to sit the hell down while the game was in progress. The only genuinely creepy bunch was the strange, extended family on August 5. They spanned several rows and found an amazing array of ways to not watch the game.

Otherwise we lucked out on the bad groups. On Sept. 1 the Twinkies drew The Brute Family, three bored kids intent only on slugging each other. Then three days later we got hit with the inevitable avalanche of dry cleaners. The blessing with both these sets was that neither stayed for more than a couple of innings.

And then there was dollar dog night, which always brings out the fidgety mobs. We also ended up with a bad overall crowd situation during our last game of the year, though I admit work stress might have made that seem worse than it really was.

Recorded in black and white, the crowd problems from this season seem trivial. Knock wood for 2013.