The season’s best promotion

For the second year in a row, Retro Night is the hands-down winner in the Best Promotion category. May they make 2013 into Retro Season. The Moustakas antlers get honorable mention.

And just so this entry isn’t one sentence long, here are some additional suggestions for next year:

Backwards Day – Folks in the cheap seats get to move down to the Crown Seats and dugout suites. And the rich people get moved to the nosebleeds and have to fetch their own beer and dogs.

“Denkinger 85” T-shirt give-away – For at least one of the Cardinals games. Maybe all three. And speaking of umpires ...

Grecian Formula Presents Tim McClelland Night – Every fan who should have retired from his job years ago gets a free gold (plated) watch.

Sports Authority Night – Everyone’s favorite ticket-hording operation buys every seat in the stadium so nobody gets to watch the game.

No Goddamn Garth Night – This one’s just a regular ballgame except for the middle of the sixth inning.

Hall of Meh Induction – It’s been awhile since we’ve had a player who seemed destined for the Hall of Fame (even our humble, local version). So we need an “honor” more in keeping with current quality standards. The inaugural class will include Chuck Knoblauch, Dean Palmer and Jose Offerman. Plaques will be presented on the field by future honoree Eric Hosmer.